God gave me another word today - "Come Up Higher"

written July 9, 2010

San Diego had a jolt and some shake yesterday - 5.9.  Peter and I ran downstairs and out to the front yard, just in case. I wrote in my diary that even as the earth is shaking, so are God's people being shaken in their lives. Yesterday I received at least three news of "troubles" or obstacles coming to His people which caused them to be troubled, angry and worried, a natural human response. I looked up to the Lord and asked, " Is the All is well word timely? (see my July 7 blog, God's net of blessing) If it is, what more do you want to show us?"

All I know at this point is that God is going to show us new things. The word I got today is Revelation 4:1, Come up higher and I will show you...  Every challenge or trouble only presses me to go higher -  to see, to hear, to know what our Father God/Commander-in-Chief/Comforter-Friend is preparing for us all.  He is training His bride in the art of "coming up higher" so we can have clarity.

This is the clarity that I sense is from Him: that indeed all is well and that God is preparing us to take dominion or authority over the earth for Him. He had asked Adam to do that, but Adam forfeited his call. I don't see us like Adam losing our inheritance, or getting victimized. Instead,  I sense that He is calling us to take a bold step forward, come up higher to seize hold of our inheritance.

I see God taking us into greater glory as in Isaiah 60:1-3, Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you.  Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

I see Him showing us how to leap across chasm and accomplish unusual feats.  Or I see Him taking us on unexpected twist and turn and suddenly our vision expands before us.  But most of all, I see us coming into what we are made for. That is just about the most powerful thing to happen to us - when we know who we are in Christ with all our talents and gifting, and then we present ourselves to Him as living sacrifices. That's when the kaboom! takes place in our being and we become fully passionate towards God.

This is the year of breakthrough, and many are coming into their breakthroughs in so many ways. God is all about such breakthroughs. The Bible is full of stories of God in partnership with humans to bring us into unbelievable success stories - Joseph, David, Moses, Abraham, Ruth, Peter, Paul, John all reaching their full potentials.  When I use the word "success" I mean "bearing much fruit." I have been experiencing the sense of success and favor as my gifting and talent come into fuller use by Him. He wants to do that for every single child of His - musicians, surfers, jewelry maker, inventors, investors, bankers, businessman, postman, cook, wife, mother, doctors, scientists, all. He so wants to be the wings that carry us higher. He has brilliant ideas to share with us, no, to put in us, to give to us. He wants to help us to implement these ideas. He wants to open doors for us, get us connected to the right people, bring us the loan we need, because He is in all these endeavors.  He created us so we can be creative like He is. We are like Him when we are being passionate with our talents and gifting.  He rejoices over us with singing and it gives Him such joy when we succeed in all our enterprises. By doing what we are gifted to do we are fulfilling the Lord's prayer, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven because we are His sole agents to take dominion over the earth.

But first He must train us to know Him, recognize His voice and not the voice of the enemy who poses as angel of light, which produces the religious spirit, a counterfeit spirit.  He needs us to be so in love with Him that we are one with Him. That's how He can take us higher - when we are so in Him and for Him that we would move as one with Him in all our endeavors on earth.  No longer will we be split up inside us - swayed by the system of the world, and driven by selfish ambition, tormented by fears and doubt. We will be so still in Him, gazing into His eyes, all our being in sync with His Spirit. When He moves up into the air, flying high, we will be in Him, enjoying every move and every nuance of joy and exuberance that He feels. We will see what He sees. We will hear Him telling us things we have never known before.

Jesus said, I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world.  (John 16:33)

God's net of blessing

written July 7, 2010

I last wrote about the enemy's net of troubles (see my June 21st blog) which he has put over many, especially leaders;  today I am writing about God's net of blessing.

Five years ago I fought cancer with the weapons God sent me and not with medical treatments (refer to my book, Out of the Wilderness) Last year the doctor said mammogram test showed that possibly cancer had come back to the lymph node. Thus started the enemy's attempt to wear down my faith in God's miraculous healing. He was hounding me with "Did you hear Him right when He said you will never be ravaged by cancer again?"  That's it! - Did you hear Him right?

The enemy knows that it is all about hearing His voice right so we can function right in this dark and confusing world.  So it helps the cause of the enemy greatly for the bride of Christ to doubt her ability to hear His voice or to doubt whether she hears Him right. Instead of being the warrior bride, we become the hesitant bride. You see, a lot of the weapons He gives us - declaring, proclaiming, taking authority - all require that we be bold and daring and confident, which can only come from our ears being trained to hear His voice accurately, our eyes to "see" into the spirit realm and not the natural realm, and our hearts to KNOW the Bridegroom so well we just know what He would do and what He would not do.

All this comes from being in the School of the Overcomer.  Even as the enemy seeks to confuse and demoralize us, in reality we are in His classroom and being trained in the art of fighting against the principalities and power of the air.  Some of these classroom projects can be of long standing (repetition helps us to "get it"), but humanly we may get weary and lose strength. But wait, what is the Holy Spirit saying to us? Do I hear right? Is He actually saying "All's well!"

How can it be all's well when evil is rampant and we seem to be losing the war? Yet it is possible because we actually live on two planes - we live in the world, but we are not of the world. We do not fight the humans that we see with our eyes of the flesh. We fight the enemy that is in the air, or behind humans and behind circumstances.See  2 Corinthians 10:3-5.  The school of the overcomer trains us to discern the enemy, and to take our eyes off the world (including people and circumstances and what the media tells us). He is training us to see not with our physical eyes or hear with our physical ears, or understand with our human understanding and wisdom, but to see through our spirit eyes and ears and heart.  I tell you, it is absolutely amazing who we are and who He is for us. If only the people of the world - the governmental leaders, the religious leaders, the power movers know what we have with God and the power and authority we have in Christ - they would beg us to show them how to live the way we live. Our bodies may be under attack and we may be going through hardship, yet our spirit ears can hear Him saying, "All is well." 


I experienced this dichotomy in a clear,sharp way about two months ago. One morning I was pacing at the bluff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, my heart greatly troubled, waiting for guidance, when out of the blue I began to sing the song "How Great Thou art" and then I found myself singing the old hymn "It is well with my soul".My spirit knew that I had hit just the right song. Boy! I sang and sang "It is well with my soul, it is well with my soul, it is well with my soul, with my soul" until my whole being was filled with KNOWING that all is well. From that day on, every time I was going under, I would sing this song.  Not only me, but Peter began to get it too.  When we discuss problems or worries, Peter would bellow out, "All's well!" and that would be the end of our worries.  Over and over this Holy Spirit's antidote to the net of troubles would come to us until our spirits own it. We would whip out our swords and declare to the enemy "All's well!"

For indeed as the Psalmist says, "You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemy, my cup runs over, and surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house forever." (Psalm 23)  We are declaring the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  We are also fighting with the enemy by declaring that all is well.  That is faith in action.  Not seeing, not hearing, not experiencing changes in circumstances, yet knowing that all is well.  It is a done deal, so to say. All's well became a canopy over us. 

Circumstances and people in my life began to come under the canopy of All is well   Relationships that have troubled my heart for so long began to transform into His Garden relationship.  Life's many complex troubled situations began to change.The best news to me was that on our wedding anniversary June 28th Peter declared that indeed we must celebrate because for the first time ever he is experiencing the peace and faith in God no matter what the circumstances are. Jeremiah 29:11 is now a life transforming verse to him, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 
In other words, All's Well!

The enemy has set a net of troubles

written June 21, 2010

It's become clear that there is a dastardly net of the wiles and schemes of the enemy over the bride, especially over leaders who carry an anointing for healing or new man-new marriage, or creativity and joy. The net has been thrown over these ones for long duration, in terms of years, bringing troubles of all sorts to their families, including serious health issues, financial issues, relational issues. Troubles upon troubles to their loved ones and themselves, until all their time and attention are spent trying to solve these problems, with seemingly no end in sight. And when they sleep there is no real rest.

These leaders know how to go deep into the cavern of God's heart in their hearts and they know how to fight with the right weapons, having experienced many wars and won many wars, but these troubles are such that they wrench the roots of their hearts, and hit the fiber of their lives.They exhaust all the avenues of prayer help and all the weapons of war, such as standing on scriptures, praying, praising, declaring, repenting and forgiving. Yet the attack is so insidious that the very fiber of their lives begin to fray at the seam and they begin to change. The way they change no one can blame them. When it's their sons and daughters and grandchildren, and husbands or wives, whose troubles and pain would not go away,and there is no break, no solutions in sight, and the pain is not only physical, but mental, emotional - they begin to change in such a way they are not aware of.

They can still carry on their ministries, and their prayer still is powerful and anointed, but inside their heart of hearts, they begin to lose their joy. They begin to carry worries, day and night, it seems, and from worries they slip into tinge of anger and tinge of bitterness, tinge of being sour, which they quickly push down deeper because it won't do for leaders to be worriers and hostile people. They guard their tongues, or try to. To people they minister, they are still so right on and strong. But their exchanges with their families may carry barbs and suspicion and put-downs and defensiveness. Most of all, they are tired, so very, very tired. And the passion for Jesus seems so hard to sustain.

Oh but they are leaders! Much depend on their faithfully standing on the wall and praying for their region, their city, their nation, their church, their loved ones. So they continue to minister. When they are leading a prayer meeting, the anointing is still there, and they are still seeing and hearing, so doing ministry is a respite from worries and other negative thoughts. But once they are alone, the weight of their tiredness is over them like a blanket. Where is the peace and joy and lightness and freedom that are their rightful inheritance? What is going on? Where have they gone off? They search their hearts and guilt and condemnation snake in and out of their thought and emotional life.

Some who were healed of cancer and other major diseases supernaturally are told that these diseases seem to have come back. This round they are not up to contending for their healing. Still believe in it, and still praying for themselves and others who ask their help, but somehow they are not the same "wild horses" anymore. The fire seems to have gone out of them. So they do what everyone does - they set appointments and get tests and scans and prescription and their schedule is filled up with doctors' appointments. However, the problem is the doctors seem to dig up more possible health problems. The prescribed medicines pile up, plus side effects. And that wonderful thing called intimacy with God seems to fade into the background, put on the back burner for better days when they will have time, lots of time, to spend with the Lord. But not right now because there's so much distractions.

There is a film, a black film, a fog, a mosquito net, whatever it is called, over the bride, so subtle, so insidious, so dastardly. The enemy knows that just by stealing our joy in the Lord, and what God calls "rest" (Hebrews 4), he can render the bride to be ineffective. How? By putting in the place of joy and rest his offerings - guilt and condemnation and sadness and works, lots and lots of human efforts (striving) and good intentions and figuring things out. He knows his time is short, and the bride is rising up to be the trained partner of the Lord who knows how to exercise the power and authority He has given to us. This is so key to the bride's well-being. So the enemy's plot is to sabotage us all by wearing us out, zapping our passion, our focus, our hope and joy.

I have more to write, as He has been speaking of marvelous antidotes. Some leader friends and I are exchanging information and wising up to the net that is over so many. Some are getting the breakthroughs now or some are seeing some breakthroughs. This one is not so easy to break free from because it involves the fiber of our lives - the who-we-are-in-Him and the Who-He-is-for-us. Praise God He is exposing it. Your prayer is very important for the bride, especially for those in leadership to be set free from the "snare" the enemy has set for us and our loved ones.

Trees by the River

written December 18, 2009

I sat with the Lord by the Pacific Ocean this morning, and I received a word about us, those who have a long history of going to the cavern of our hearts in His heart - walking and talking with Him in the cool of the day in His Garden, those who are seasoned warriors.  Yes, those ones.  This has been a hard year and things have been happening that should not have happened to God's leaders who pray with authority - grandchildren hit with strange sickness,  a teen son walking away from the Lord, possible serious sicknesses coming on, loss of jobs and financial desperation.

I hear accusations, condemnations, warnings for past mistakes, past offenses, blah blah!   I see weary leaders losing strength, disheartened and confused  What have we done wrong? 

Yet these are seasoned warriors, even generals all waiting on Him, the Commander-in-chief to take us into victory. Victory? Why does that word "victory"sound slightly hollow to our ears presently? The enemy has been  playing with our minds; on the other hand, we have never left our post.  We still are putting everything, all our hopes and dreams and faith, on our Supreme Leader, our Beloved Lord Jesus. In fact, the truth of the matter is that we cannot leave our posts because our feet have grown roots where we stand, and the roots are holding us fast to the very soil, the very ground where He has planted us.  
Not only that, but our arm, our hand which have been wielding our swords, like that faithful warrior in David's army (see 2 Samuel 23:9-10), our swords have fused into the hands that hold them. No longer can the sword leave our hands.  Our eyes may seem blurry and teary, our backs killing us, and accusations of past mistakes demoralizing us, yet the roots are growing deeper and deeper, ever searching for the Living Water, ever drinking from the River. We are still loving Him, adoring Him, enjoying him, still seeing, hearing, declaring, praising, interceding, no matter in  small ways compared to the past glory the Lord gave us. We have not given up on any place or any one. We are each growing into fine trees, and our branches are growing side ways and up ways, linking arms with other trees, becoming a forest in the Garden, a community, standing and guarding the young little saplings, nurturing them, protecting them from harm.

The Lord gave to us Psalm 1 (with slight paraphrasing)

Blessed are the leaders who do not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers.

But our delight is in the ways of the Lord.

We are like trees planted by streams of water,

which yield fruits in season

and whose leaves do not wither.

Whatsoever we do prosper.

Not so the wicked!

They are like chaff that the wind blows away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,

nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,

but the way of the wicked will perish.

Worker-Bee vs. Weaned Child

written May 2, 2010

Last night leg cramp and heart palpitation woke me up. Took me two hours of lying in bed quietly until the palpitation went away. I asked God why this happened. I felt He said it was the "Worker-Bee" syndrome. I had come back from DC with it and now this engine inside me says I have to do this or that, or else I will disappoint others. I must grab opportunities or I will be sorry. The voice of the "Hard Taskmaster" with the whip was spurring my mind to dart about thinking how to please, how to succeed, how to win favor, how to be important in the eyes of others.

What happened? The Lord had sent me as a "Weaned Child" agent to DC, and I got waylaid by the religious spirit and could not hear His voice. Rather, I had heard so many versions of His voice and that brought confusion. DC is a Land of No-Rest, and my spirit had no rest when I was there. I came back and did not know who I was in Him and I could not remember what it was like to be an inhabitant of His Garden. The acidic air of DC had turned me into a prune, and now the worker-bee poison is in my blood stream, and the danger of that is this spirit numbs me so I am not aware of it.

Today I sense the Lord saying, "Enough!" and I began to hear His wonderful, familiar voice. He is calling me to come be alone with Him, to drop all chores and labor, and re-discover the beauty of His Garden. He is saying, " Just Me, Jean! Just Me! You don't have to set so many things up. Just come be with Me. Remember to be 'Mary,' and not be 'Martha'". You see, when the worker-bee syndrome is on me, I find it hard to be the Mary who sits quietly at Jesus' feet while her sister Martha is all upset trying to cook and serve everybody (see Luke 10).

Now I have been home for a week, and I still cannot just "Be." "Doing" seems more attractive. When I am doing,doing, doing I have momentary sense of importance. It covers up my feeling of neediness and fear and worries. I feel OK, accepted, important when I am engaged in "Doing." "Being" seems so lame. Or so it seems.

This morning I picked up a piece of paper from my table and looked at it. Why, it was the email I had sent out just before I left for DC! It was called, "Weaned child is going to DC tomorrow." dated April 20th. I had totally forgotten I wrote that. When I re-read it, my spirit seemed to come face to face with Jesus.

I said, "Hi! Jesus!" and He said, "Hi! Jean!" Whoa! I felt like I had stumbled into His Garden!

Whenever I am in the Garden, I would know things. I would know what is what. I would not be confused. I knew that was why I went to DC, to declare and decree "weaned child" word over DC. Come to think of it, in 2004 He sent me to New York City to get a painting-word for the United Nations through the invitation of the New York City Intercessors. That trip was murder. I came home dangerously ill. The word I got there was, you guess it...the "weaned child." I did a sketch there of a child sitting on Jesus' lap, and He was saying that He longed to pick up the important leaders of the world, and ordinary people like you and me, and put us all on His lap, so that we would be enfolded in His voluminous white gown, pressing ourselves deeper, yet deeper into His body, resting in His care. And the verses for this painting were, I have stilled and quieted my soul...like a weaned child is my soul within me.(Psalm 131:2) and A little child shall lead them. (Isaiah 11:6) (see painting at my website gallery )

So now I know why it was so hard for me in DC. Because the message of the "weaned child" is dangerous to the religious spirit as well as to the spirit of the "worker-bee." It seems the enemy may not be as threatened when God's people go out to fight causes as he is threatened by us going out as the "weaned child" carrying that word deep inside our hearts. Why? Because he does not know how to fight the weaned child. The weaned child plasters his/her ears against the Father's heart, and gets instruction straight from Him. The "weaned child" knows he/she is weak, so Jesus the Lion of Judah has to fight for and with the weaned child. The "weaned child" comes from the Garden where he/she receives weapons that the enemy can't fathom - weapons such as He laughs at fear afraid of nothing (Job 39:22),for the joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10) and byHis wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) and many, many more. (I picked up a good number of such weapons while fighting cancer and cancerous lies:see my book, Out of the Wilderness.)

I really believe that the "Weaned Child" word is a key word for the church and for those in high places. In this time of much darkness and confusion, His Garden is His provision to one and all. I hear Him calling out, "Come to Me, all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, for My yoke is easy and My burden light... Come and walk with me in the Garden in the cool of the day, and I will share My secrets with you. This is where you gain your authority. I give the weaned child authority to take dominion over the seven mountains of the world: mountain of government, mountain of business, mountain of law, mountain of education, mountain of media, mountain of arts and entertainment, and mountain of religion, bringing these mountains back to Me."

So good to be back in His Garden!

Breakthrough word for us all

written April 12, 2010

In this season of breakthroughs, I am seeing "gates" being formed or are already formed for each of us by the Lord.

 
As we stand before these "gates" to our future, we ask ourselves -  Are these gates really formed for us? What if nothing comes out of our obedience and faith walk? Will we succeed? We do not know what our future holds. We do not know if indeed these are gates prepared by God for us. No matter our perspective concerning our circumstances, all that is required of us is to be obedient and position ourselves before the gates and walk through them when they open. Because we are in the season of the Breakthrough Horse. Micah 2:13 says, The Breaker (the Messiah) will go up before them. They will break through the gate and go through it, and their King will pass before them, the Lord at their head.

The Lord tells us - keep things simple; focus; no more trying to figure everything out, no more striving, worrying. There's nothing to be fearful about. God is equipping us all to be overcomers and we are overcoming many obstacles in our way. We will not be deterred. Many things are happening on earth and there are a lot of movements for God's people, a lot of new placements. He is out to make us sharper overcomers. I am seeing that we are getting healed up, getting braver, putting our arms out to take back the "land" for God, ("land" being our health,  finance, marriage, children, projects, dreams, visions). We are praying for each other more and connecting in deeper and more meaningful ways, getting rid of our prejudices and judgments and religious spirit. We are hearing His voice better, going deeper into the cavern of our hearts in His heart. Most of all, we are learning to laugh at fear afraid of nothing; we are trusting the Lord so much that we laugh and laugh and are full of zest and enjoyment. HO! HO! HO! 

Can you see yourselves in your mind's eyes ? Yes, you are warriors  positioned at the gate of righteousness, with thanksgiving in our hearts. We are in this all the way now with each other. We do not live for ourselves, but for His kingdom, to bring His kingdom down on earth as it is in Heaven. We war by laughter, by trusting, by loving, by the joy of the Lord, determined to enjoy our lives here on earth, taking dominion, and being creative in all kinds of ways.

We are now becoming the "new man/woman", yet we are like the warriors of old, their names mentioned in Hebrew 11:32, And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jepthrah, David, Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escapes the edge of the sword, whose weaknesses was turned into strength, and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.

Cultivating the lifestyle of living in His Garden

written May 11, 2010

My presentation of the story His Garden at a La Jolla church Mother's Day Garden brunch was simply delightful and so beautifully set up, where fifty-five women and young ladies seemed to be transported to another place. In our spirit, we were transported to a heavenly banqueting hall as in He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love because God had set up a banquet to dine on His story of the Garden. Many came afterwards to thank me for delivering the Heavenly delicious "food" and that they were nourished and strengthened.

Interestingly, it has been a few years since the Lord called for the presentation of His Garden and it was very powerful. But now, the world has changed.  All over the world people's hearts are deeply troubled and distraught. So many are out of work. Natural disasters - earthquakes, floods, volcano eruptions - are occurring in many lands. In this setting, His voice is more urgent now, saying to one and all, "Come into My Garden! Come in! Come in! Do not stay out in the Land of No-Rest. You must come in now." I am reminded of Noah's ark. How Noah asked everyone to come into the ark that God instructed him to build, but people scoffed and declined his urgent warning.

What is His Garden? It is not a devotional time every morning. It is not a favorite retreat place. His Garden is inside our hearts where He walks and talks with us in the cool of the day as in the original Garden of Eden. He is cultivating a relationship with us so that we know His voice more and more as in they know his voice (John 10:4b) and He has become very dear to us. We grow to love Him so much we want to hang out with Him. We are no longer double-minded, belonging to Him and yet still influenced by the system of the world and our flesh and the lies of the enemy which brings us into turmoil and confusion. He is calling us to allow the Holy Spirit to transform our minds into the mind of Christ. Garden living is a lifestyle of living by childlike faith and communing with Him constantly. Garden living strengthens us in the inner person as we learn how to rest. We are to carry His Garden inside us wherever we go whoever we are with. In truth we are Garden agents or carriers who know how to impart His peace, love and joy to our home, work places, neighborhood, schools, government, cities, nation, and the world, changing the world one step at a time. And all that starts with our cultivating the lifestyle of living in His Garden. Garden living is living the abundant life, which Jesus says He came to give to us (see John 10:10)

We videotaped my reading of His Garden, with music, and now this story can go out as DVD so that more hearts can be processed into His Garden.

The Soaring Eagle - A call to intimacy

written in March, 2010

In March 2004, the Lord called me to paint a soaring eagle as a word to the President and to the praying church. The verse is Jeremiah 33:3: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.  The Lord wants to give the President an encounter with Him in the secret place and carry him up high on His Wings.  He is asking the praying church to be the thermal wind that lifts him up with our prayers.  Note the faint white lines under the tail of the eagle which strangely showed up when I was painting the sunrise. I sense that the Lord wanted to show us how much our prayers are needed to lift the eagle up.

On March 22, 2010, I received another word for the church pertaining to the "Soaring Eagle."  Psalm 131 says, My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonder for me.  I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.  Hebrew "weaned" means be still, deal bountifully or rewarded. The Lord is calling His bride who has been alarmed and distraught, fearful and angry, to return to the place of stillness and abiding, a place of quiet confidence, of hope and expectancy, of knowing that He is sovereign and good and nothing is impossible with Him, and He can do more than we can ever hope or ask for.  We have been zealous for the cause of the Lord; yet He is asking us to come and lie against His chest, like a weaned child with its mother. It is in the mode of the weaned child that the church can hear and pray the heart of God into the President. May it be that we the church will agree with Him and our prayers will lift the President up to where he will have an encounter with Him and be able to hear and pray the Lord's heart into our nation.

I Timothy 2:1-2 : I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority...

What happens when I lose the Garden...

written in January, 2009

My heart tells me I have lost something special. I have become so sad.The world is such a dark place and getting darker. Emails come to warn of many things, and rightly so, and everywhere there's so many needs. But what good am I when I let concerns pile up on top of my head, and every thought is what am I not doing but should do, or what more should I be doing to help? Ah! I know what has happened to me - I have lost the art of going into His Garden. I am carrying a sack of heavy concerns, worries, forebodings. I am wearing heavy boots instead of the slippers of lightness. The clothes of my spirit are of such somber colors and the material is practically made of sack cloth. I have forgotten what it is like to put on the gown of incredible lightness that the Gatekeeper is waiting to put on me. No, I can't remember the feeling I get when I put that gown on. (this is in my book His Garden)

Four years ago when I was hit with cancer, I had to find out how a person with cancer can enjoy His Garden - a place of childlike faith and ridiculous laughter in the face of death-causing cancer. But I got to go there. I spent one year in the Garden, day in and day out, hanging out with God, acquiring weapons of His word to fight cancer with. He sent His creatures that are in the Garden - the He-Laughs-At-Fear Horse, the Butterfly, the Lion of Judah, the Wild Bird, the Breakthrough Horse, to teach me, teach me, how to laugh at cancer, how to fight fear. I believe that by being in the Garden for a year, cancer was wiped out of my body. Praise God! I came out stronger, lighter, bolder.

And now, there may be another sort of "cancer" I must watch out for. This one will cause me to forget His Garden. It is the "cancer" of worrying and worrying about everything, so many issues crowding in, of health, finance, relationships, our nation, God's kingdom, sense of inadequacy,eating away,burrowing into my spirit, the spirit of a bride of Christ. Suddenly I know that I need to pursue the Garden again. I must! I miss my Beloved! I have forgotten His fragrance, His sweet voice, the feel of His voluminous shining white gown against my face! What good am I wanting to be a light to the world if I am not able to laugh and play and dance with Him. I must have HIM! I am desperate to see His face and hear His voice again.

I miss hearing Him tell me, day in and day out, "I love you. You are important to Me. You are the apple of My eye. I will take care of your every need. Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by praying and asking, with a thankful heart, tell Me your needs, and My peace which is beyond your understanding, will guard your heart and mind as You abide in Me." (paraphrase Philippians 4:6-7)