written in January, 2009
My heart tells me I have lost something special. I have become so sad.The world is such a dark place and getting darker. Emails come to warn of many things, and rightly so, and everywhere there's so many needs. But what good am I when I let concerns pile up on top of my head, and every thought is what am I not doing but should do, or what more should I be doing to help? Ah! I know what has happened to me - I have lost the art of going into His Garden. I am carrying a sack of heavy concerns, worries, forebodings. I am wearing heavy boots instead of the slippers of lightness. The clothes of my spirit are of such somber colors and the material is practically made of sack cloth. I have forgotten what it is like to put on the gown of incredible lightness that the Gatekeeper is waiting to put on me. No, I can't remember the feeling I get when I put that gown on. (this is in my book His Garden)
Four years ago when I was hit with cancer, I had to find out how a person with cancer can enjoy His Garden - a place of childlike faith and ridiculous laughter in the face of death-causing cancer. But I got to go there. I spent one year in the Garden, day in and day out, hanging out with God, acquiring weapons of His word to fight cancer with. He sent His creatures that are in the Garden - the He-Laughs-At-Fear Horse, the Butterfly, the Lion of Judah, the Wild Bird, the Breakthrough Horse, to teach me, teach me, how to laugh at cancer, how to fight fear. I believe that by being in the Garden for a year, cancer was wiped out of my body. Praise God! I came out stronger, lighter, bolder.
And now, there may be another sort of "cancer" I must watch out for. This one will cause me to forget His Garden. It is the "cancer" of worrying and worrying about everything, so many issues crowding in, of health, finance, relationships, our nation, God's kingdom, sense of inadequacy,eating away,burrowing into my spirit, the spirit of a bride of Christ. Suddenly I know that I need to pursue the Garden again. I must! I miss my Beloved! I have forgotten His fragrance, His sweet voice, the feel of His voluminous shining white gown against my face! What good am I wanting to be a light to the world if I am not able to laugh and play and dance with Him. I must have HIM! I am desperate to see His face and hear His voice again.
I miss hearing Him tell me, day in and day out, "I love you. You are important to Me. You are the apple of My eye. I will take care of your every need. Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by praying and asking, with a thankful heart, tell Me your needs, and My peace which is beyond your understanding, will guard your heart and mind as You abide in Me." (paraphrase Philippians 4:6-7)
