written November 1st, 2012
Last Monday I woke up and my heart went into SVT (heart palpitation that causes my blood pressure to drop dangerously low). This happens whenever I carry something too heavy for my heart to bear for too long. I realized that I had not/could not cast my worries about the future of our nation to the Lord. Unbeknowst to me, there's a part in my heart that still had unresolved fear of the Chinese God of judgment. As the election date got closer, like a little child I tried to hide "under the bed" from the Father whose loving voice I had come to love and trust since the days He walked me through cancer. Life became boring, very, very boring when I was not skipping and dancing alongside Him, and not watching how He would turn everything in my life, good and bad, into adventures with Him. So, after a few days of not hanging out with Him and being miserable, I "heard" in my spirit,
"Jean, you don't really want to miss the election adventure with Me, do you?"
That was the Holy Spirit talking to me.
"Oh! I sure don't want to miss any adventure with You, Lord. I have decided I will trust the election to you. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I know I will hear Your voice telling me things, and I don't want to miss what You have to say."
Today, November 1st, I had an hour before my art class tonight, so I sat with the Lord with my Out of the Wilderness book and began to read through several entries dated January, 2005 (I was diagnosed with cancer on December 22, 2004). In the course of walking through cancer I received many scriptures from the Lord which came to enfold me in His voluminous gown. In fact, He said to me that He was using scriptures to cocoon me, so that when I emerge out of the cocoon I will be a beautiful butterfly.
As I was reading a few of these scriptures tonight, I felt a soft urging to declare them on behalf of the bride of Christ for our nation:
Psalm 27: I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 144: Praise be to the Lord, my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. You are my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge...Part your heavens, O Lord, and come down...Reach down your hand from on high; Deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters...I will sing a new song to you, O God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you...There will be no breaching of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets.
II Chronicle 20:15, 16 and 17: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's, Tomorrow march down against them...You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you.
These are just a few words I received back in January of 2005. Today as I read them, they are coming to speak to me not about cancer but about the bride fighting for the future of her nation, even as Esther did in her time.
On January 29, 2005, I wrote, "I believe the crux of the matter is this: How do I treat His word? Do I believe it as the final authority on earth? Can I stake all of my life upon those words? Even as Elijah and Elisha in the Old Testament declared those words in the face of their enemies who sought their lives, will I be able to say the same things in the face of the enemies in my life? Do I see countless horses and a fiery chariot poised to come and fight for me, or is it just very inspiring to read those stories? I do not want to only read these scriptures and believe in them, be lifted up by them for a time, only to go right back to agonizing over my hardships. Whatever I am learning today in my fight against cancer is going to stand me in good stead in the days to come." (As I read this paragraph tonight, my spirit took note that indeed the faith I received in 2005 for fighting cancer is going to stand me in good stead in this hour when we are fighting for the future of our nation - for our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and the unborn.)
In my journal on that same date, I was asking God if He wanted me to get the chemo and radiation that all the doctors said I must have or I would die or He was telling me to get tested to see if I was healed already. Whatever He was saying I would do it. I wrote,"But to my surprise, I heard Him ask me, 'What do you want out of this?' Without any thinking, my heart says, 'I want to experience miraculous healing.' I realize this is not just my wishful thinking. My whole being wants this."
It seems that today my heart wants to say to Him as representing the bride of Christ to her Beloved, "I just want to experience miraculous deliverance of our nation out of cancerous lies."
May the bride of Christ who is leaning on the arm of her Beloved coming out of the wildnerness be the prophetic painting-word for our nation. Amen.
Note: Please see the painting-word below which was commissioned by the Lord to be on the cover of my book, Out of the Wilderness, My Journey Through Cancer and Cancerous Lies. It is not until today that my mind/heart is awakened to the connection between the deliverance God gave me out of cancer and the plight of our nation oppressed by cancerous lies)
